Apathy

You've loved me at my worst.
You've had me at my best.
But you chose to break my heart.
Maybe it was the fact that you were never really into something that we had sparked.
Or maybe past loves have started to reappear from the bluntness of the dark.
But I've fought, and done my part.
I now believe that our end was foreshadowed from the beginning of the start.
We hope for changes, but seasons are only promised.
I hope for chances, but I'm left with no hommage.
As BIG said, I'm far from timid.
I ONLY make moves if your hearts in it.
But I'm in a state where I'm past being bitter.
Reminiscing about good times, trying to forget her.
I'm about holding my own, and greatness comes in pairs.
So I'm only amazing, since you're not there.
I'm tired of sounding pathetic.
But give me credit.
Everytime I said "I Love You," I meant it.

Truth be Told

Probably the realest shit I've ever written.



I'm tired of hearing there are other fish in the sea.
It really doesn't matter because I'm hooked.
I was never for cliche's
I was always used to doing things my way.
I'm lost and insecure for no reason.
I guess you were my optimism.
But I was always the sad clown to end up in your spell.
You were just so damn nice, I thought I knew you too well.
If I had the heart to tell you how I truly felt.
I would've died every single time.
Instead I constantly cower, waiting for a sign.
What was really in your heart, I believe it was truly sublime.
I remember asking Moms;
Why can't we get the girl we ultimately want?
She says, "You can't."
Why Not?
She says, "Every girl is shallow."
Not this one.
She says, "Yes, that one."
How sure are you?
"Very sure," she said.
How am I supposed to know what I want in the end?
I'm tired of being neglected being known as the friend.
If I asked pops, he would tell me,
"Just have sex chicks.
Doesn't matter who you get with.
At least you got your play."
You know what Dad, we'll talk another day.
You were never the one to go for advice.
Your lifestyle wasn't the type I really admired.
I was never good at moving slow.
I guess that's why everyone in my life, mistakes it for love.
That word and phrase that's loosely abused.
I wish I knew where I was trying to go with my words.
But your image pops up one too many and it hurts.
As Slug said it best,
Most of this garbage I write, that people seem to like,
is about you, and how I let you infect my life.
A good many said be persistant
But that can only get you so far.
No... I'm not okay.
What the hell am I to do?

Ligaya

Title is name of song that I can't stop listening to.
Tagalog tune by Eraserheads.

No relation to this poem I wrote, just didn't know what to title it.

Ligaya = Happy.





..

And here we go.
What this is supposed to feel like, I don't know.
They often say you reap what you sow.
And as of now, I have just reached my all time low.
My fears have been rekindled.
Stuck in the situation as I dwindle.
Everytime I fall, it hurts harder than the last time.
You think I'd learn by now because I always come off fine.
But if you only know how I endure.
I get taken advantage of because my intentions are always pure.
From heartache to heartbreak to straight up deception.
Happy whenever we get into conversation and textin'.
But I was always close friends with your best friend Rejection.
I'm tired of the pain and the suffering is unbearable.
Aggravatged of being taken advantage of.
I'm looking for answers, that's why I stare up above.
But everytime I'm with you, it seems I get better.
But you play that undertone smack, and show no effort.
I admit it breaks me, but my confidence allows me to persever.
I still fall hard whenever you're near.
But like I've said before, I'm afraid.
What am I afraid more of?
Scared of falling for you even deeper
Or you alienating me for falling as much as I did.
When we walk side by side, I wish I could hold your hand.
But who's decision is it to enable that chance.
Truth be told, I don't know what I should do.
I guess it's the same old story.
But I know you're my chance for the perfect revision.

Man on the Side

Just somin' I wrote off to blow off steam n ish.


Well I'm here, while you're there.
Sittin' speechless w/ my dismal stare.
You think you're happy, you know you still hurt.
I know how I hurt, yet I still see the flirt.
I still believe we are destined to shine bright.
But for now I'm still the diamond in the dirt.
It's humor how I tell you to work through stress.
And how I'm the one that knows how to live your life best.
How am I supposed to give you advice when you brush it away?
How do I listen to you when there's nothing to say?
I have my own life, I got moves to make.
But seeing you vulnerable puts my life on break.
Each time I try to progress, you put it to a halt.
You go for the dumbasses that fuck with your heart.
Now I told you from the start.
And I'm in just as bad of a state as you are.
But you don't understand I was always capable of dealing with your pain.
No matter how violent the thunder you would cause, I'm still smilin' through the rain.
They say it's better to give than to receive.
But i give all I can and receive nothing for your relief.
Actually in return, I just obtain more of your grief.
I ask you who was there when your old flames died.
Who as consoling you as you would lay and cry?
I'm exhausted and bitter; don't you ever say I didn't try.
I will no longer be your man on the side
I'm the man looking past.
Now to how shit was.
But what I'm going to make of it.